FEY: It was announced this week that Ricky Martin will perform at the Lincoln Memorial as part of
President Bush's inauguration. Apparently, Mr. Bush's first step in restoring the dignity of the
presidency is having a soap star sing 'She Bangs' at the foot of the Great Emancipatior.
FALLON: One of the stars of the original Survivor, the ex-Navy
Seal and admitted homophobe Rudy, will be made into a 12 inch action figure. You
pull its string and it says, "Don't pull my string, fag!"
FEY: This week, President Clinton rolled his farewell tour
into New York City's Madison Square Garden. Here with a
review is our own Jimmy Fallon.
KATHERINE HARRIS: Hey Tina, Joan Jett called, she wants her hair cut back.
Hey Jimmy, Screech called..
FALLON: Thanks, Tina! It was awesome, what a show!
First off, I got front row seats, everyone's psyched.. they're
hitting their Whitewater beach balls around, everyone's doing
the Bent Penis Wave.. passing joints - nobody's inhaling. The
lights go out, lasers, smoke machines, spotlight, then.. Bam!
Bill Clinton. He's wearing the President suit, he's does the
thumb - he never does the thumb first off, so the place goes
nuts! He opens up with "A Place Called Hope," then launches
into a 20-minute version of "I Did Not Have Sexual Relations."
Everyone goes wild! Then they do the Hillary part - you know,
people start going to the bathroom. Second half: he's got the
sax, he does the instrumental version of the Impeachment.
Everyone's got their lighters out, people are throwing cigars.
Then they retire the stained dress up in the rafters next to
Willis Reed's journal. Pandemonium! Three and a half hours,
Tina! Not since he toured with the Rolling Stones in '92 has he
ever been this good. I am totally going to see him closing
night in D.C.