FALLON: Let me ask you something about The Apprentice.  How do you think I would be as one of the contestants?
DONALD TRUMP: I have to be honest Jimmy.  The contestants on my show, both men and women, are business people with a lot of drive, and Jimmy, I think you're a goofball. 
FALLON: Really.
TRUMP: I do.  And that's only the beginning.  I think everyone here would agree with me.  Jimmy, you gotta do something about that hair.
FALLON: My hair?
TRUMP: Jimmy, I have a stylist I go to in Queens.  His name is Antonio.  I think he's a fruit.  But the bottom line is the hair speaks for itself.  Here's his card.  Tell him I sent you.  And ask for the Onion Loaf.

FEY: How do you think I would do, Mr. Trump?
TRUMP: Let me put it this way, Tina.  Men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses.
FEY: That's gross.
TRUMP: Tina, lose the glasses... and fix these.
FEY: Fix them?
FALLON: Get a couple onion loaves.

FEY: A new restaurant in Australia is opening, called Lewinsky's, inspired by former White House intern Monica Lewinsky.  Eat there once, pay for it the rest of your life.

FEY: CBS announced that it will not air moveon.org's winning anti-Bush ad during the Superbowl, saying they don't air so-called Issue Ads.  Unless the issue is that girls are sluts for beer.

FEY: According to researchers, sex benefits the heart, burns calories, reduces depression, boosts immunity and releases pain reducing endorphins.  But most importantly, it makes boys like you.