FEY: Oh Jimmy, look who it is! It's your friend Amélie, from the French film of the same title!

FALLON: I Have An Opinion- Why are you trying to improve [terrorist's] living conditions? They're suicide bombers. They hate living conditions. They don't want to live under any conditions!

FALLON: Big news in today's New England playoff game as President Bush successfully ate a Pringle.

FALLON: Jennifer Aniston suffered minor injuries after getting into a car accident in Hollywood. The other driver had his car totaled, but on the upside, he gets to tell his friends that he rear-ended Jennifer Aniston.

FEY: According to financial reporters the Enron Corporation paid no income taxes in 4 of the 5 years. Apparently for the last 5 years, Enron had its taxes done by Willy Nelson. You know, I’ve been reading about this story all week and I’ve figured out that Republicans are geniuses.  'Cause they keep they’re scandals so incredibly boring, that people will stop paying attention to them. Democratic scandals have words like "fondle," "intern" and "murder."  Republican scandals have words like "oversight subcommittee chairman," and "partially exempted multilateral platforms" Comeon, it's so boring! Basically the Enron executives ran off with hundreds of millions of dollars and let their employees lose all of their life savings. Its like basic bad guy stuff. Like tying a lady to railroad tracks or like trying to destroy the world with a laser beam. They are like the Cassidines. So Enron had all of these to avoid taxes. They had 692 subsidiaries on the Cayman Islands. "What do you do for a living man?" "I braid the white girls hair by the cruise ship, I sell a little weed, then on the weekends, me a CEO of a subsidiary Enron." Now Enron’s accounting firm, Arthur Andersen, is in trouble because they destroyed a months worth of Enron’s documents. Ok, in this day and age can you possibly not know that if you shred documents your gonna get into trouble! It's like if your girlfriend says, "hey- lets go on the Jenny Jones show. I have a surprise for you." How can you not know that’s bad? It's not gonna be good! Then on Friday, Enron fired Arthur Anderson as their accounting agency. That’s gotta be a blow, being fired buy a totally bankrupt company. It’s like Tom Green divorcing Drew Barrymore. You know Drew was like "Oh really, so your getting rid of me? That’s amazing." Ok, so now the government is investigating the whole thing. John Ashcroft has recused himself because Enron donated money to his campaign. Same thing with President Bush, Dick Chaney, Joe Lieberman accused himself now, the commerce secretary, the treasury secretary. Basically, the only person in the country without any kind of tie to Enron is that kid from the Dell Computer Company commercials. But I’m pretty sure Steve will get to the bottom of it, because he’s a very bright boy. Back to you Jimmy.