FEY: The producers of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' are reportedly talking with Britney Spears to get the singer to do a two-part guest appearance on the show. The two parts are above her waist and below her neck.

FALLON: The rock group Phish surprised its fans this week with an announcement that they will be breaking up. No surprise is the immediate drop in sales of Birkenstocks, hackey sacks, and one-hitters and the rise of sales of soap.

FEY: An entire school showed up at a George W. Bush rally in Dearborn, Michigan this week to complain that their building is unsafe and they lack books and teachers. A sympathetic Bush promised that if elected, he'll take care of the students the best way he knows how...by executing them.

FALLON: The supposed image of the Virgin Mary in the window of a New Jersey house disappeared Tuesday when the homeowner cleaned the glass, leading many to conclude what they have already feared -- there are no virgins in New Jersey.

FEY: Jimmy, you are a constant disappointment to me.