FEY: According to a new study, people on a low-carb diet, like Atkins, eat more than people on a standard diet but also lose more weight. This is thanks to the extra calories they lose during their non-stop yammering about how they’re on Atkins.

FALLON: In California this week, grocery clerks went on strike. Which means, for the second time in less then 2 weeks, Gray Davis is out of a job.

FEY: One of the newest trends among celebrities is to wear a simple red knotted string, which symbolizes a dedication to the Kabbalah. For those of you who don’t know, Kabbalah is an ancient form of publicity invented by Madonna.

FEY: Four members of Alpha Lambda Tau are seeking to make theirs the first gay fraternity at the University of Texas, San Antonio. It’s just like every other fraternity except with slightly more gay sex.