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POEHLER: One of the big stories that we missed this summer was Governor Jim McGreevey's announcement that he is gay and will resign amid the gay related scandal involving Golan Cipel, an Israeli former staffer.  
FEY: To get the local perspective on the issue, Weekend Update would like to present an editorial from this New Jersey resident...
GANDOLFINI: How ya doin'?  First of all, I'd like to thank you for letting me be here, and here's a little token of my appreciation.  
FEY: Wow, a DVD player.  Thank you.
GANDOLFINI: It's, uh, Sanyo, it's a good one.  And, if I knew you were gonna be here I woulda brought one for you too, sweetheart.
POEHLER: That's okay, I'm good.
GANDOLFINI: Yea, you are.  
POEHLER: Would you like to sit down?
GANDOLFINI: No, I'm gonna stand, in case I wanna leave.
FEY: So, your editorial about Jim McGreevey...
GANDOLFINI: Yea, I'm getting to it.  Look, I didn't wanna talk about this McGreevey stuff but I can't keep my mouth shut anymore.  I mean, so the guy's a fanook.  He had an affair.  Every married guy's got some action on the side.  In this case, in the behind.  But instead of just paying the guy's rent and banging him in the penguin house behind the zoo, McGreevey puts his guy on the payroll.  
FEY: ...and I think part of the..
GANDOLFINI: Whoa, don't interrupt me when I'm talking.
FEY: Sorry.
GANDOLFINI: As I was saying.  You never mix business with pleasure.  Unless that business is prostitution.  
FEY: But people also feel that Golan Cipel..
GANDOLFINI: Whoa, whoa.  Come on.  You got a nice face.
FEY: Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.  
GANDOLFINI: Well, use your head.  Anyway, I support the guy, but he made some big mistakes.  Not only did he put his boyfriend on the payroll, he put him in charge of Homeland Security.  Everybody knows the big guys handle security and the Jews watch the money.
FEY: Alright, okay, let's not stereotype people.
GANDOLFINI: Sorry sweetheart.  I didn't know you were one of the Chosen People.
FEY: I'm not, but you can't say stuff like that.
GANDOLFINI: I just did.  Anyway, I said what I had to say.  And, it was nice meeting you, and, the mouthy one I'm not so sure.
FEY: That is the scariest man I've ever been attracted to.

FEY: According to reports, Britney Spears has told family and close friends that she and her new husband, Kevin Federline, are expecting their first child.  So far no word on whether it will be a Pimp or a Ho.

POEHLER: A Pakistani man who convinced his infertile wife to have an operation so they could have children was arrested after he got the doctors to cut out one of her kidneys instead, so he could sell it and then divorce her.  Ugh, that's just rude.
FEY:  Tell me about it.   That's what Jimmy did to me.  I thought he loved me, it turned out he was just trying to steal my kidney.  
POEHLER: Oh my god. I'm sorry to hear that, Tina.
FEY:  No, it's fine.  I'm over it.  Actually, I think this is gonna work out really well between me and you... because,  it's got good energy.  It's gonna be kinda cool.. like that movie Monster.  
POEHLER: Yea..?
FEY: You saw that movie Monster, right?
POEHLER: Yea...are you gonna kill me?
FEY: No, I'm gonna kill other people and you're gonna be my girlfriend.

FEY: This week, Norway became the World Oyster Opening Champions.  This was a stunning upset for last year's oyster opening champion, Colin Farrell.

FEY: The first official prescription treatment to boost a woman's sex drive could be approved in the U.S. by next year.  Until then, fake it til you make it, ladies.

POEHLER: In a recent interview, Matt Damon criticized Hollywood actors who only take roles in potential blockbusters, because he believes that stardom is irrelevant and that it's important to choose only interesting roles.  Here with a response to these statements...a Hollywood actor.
AFFLECK: Listen, bro.  We all know who you're talking about.  It's not a big secret, ya know.  It's been kinda a "mainstream" year for me, okay, stop rubbing it in.  I get it.  Halfway through watching Paycheck I went to ask the theatre manager for my money back then I remembered I was in it.  Alright, I gotcha!  And I know you're "not into stardom," but, help me out here.  I can't seem to recall which Chekhov play The Bourne Supremacy is based on.  And I'm sure they'll be studying Ocean's 12 in the film classes at USC, believe me.  Cause Ocean's 11 left so many unanswered questions.   Wait til you lose your mind and make two movies in a row with your girlfriend, alright?  By the way, Street Cred, how's Clooney's yacht treating ya? Is there a phone on that thing?   I've been trying to call you for like three weeks about this Project Greenlight mess.  Another thing, if the Red Socks lose this year, it's your fault cause you moved to New York, you filthy traitor!

ELTON JOHN: Hello, Tina.  Where's my Jimmy boy?
FEY: Oh, well, he's gone..Amy's here now.
ELTON JOHN: You're not really my cup of tea, dear. If you know what I mean..
POEHLER: ...cause you're superhumanly gay?
ELTON JOHN: Yes.