FEY: With election day approaching, the Presidential
candidates stepped up their TV appearances. This week Gore and Bush
were on Letterman, Regis, and The View. Meanwhile, Ralph Nader
was a plaintiff on Judge Joe Brown and Pat Buchanan appeared on a
security camera at Walgreens.
FALLON: A current online poll shows that George W. Bush is beating Al Gore by a margin of 4% - or, as George W. Bush would refer
to it: ..this many.
FEY: It was announced this week that Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown will perform a show
together at the Aladdin casino in Las Vegas. Tickets are one hundred and fifty dollars two hundred if
Whitney and Bobby actually show up. The concert will be sponsored by Snapple and cocaine.
FEY: Prostitutes in Lyons, France sent a fax to the
government to complain that they are losing business to
Eastern European women who are protected by the Albanian
mafia. Okay, first of all, how rough-looking are these French
prostitutes that all their customers are running to the
Albanians? Secondly, why did they send a fax, and from
whence? Do they have a fax machine in the whorehouse, or did
they all trundle down to Kinko's - "You fax these, I'll let you
shave me." Thirdly, how come French whores know how to
work a fax machine, but every time I try to use it, I hit Power
Save, or I forget to dial 9.. This just proves what my boyfriend
always says - that I am dumber than a French whore. Back to you, Jimmy!
FEY: Well, that's the news. I'm Tina Fey..
ROBERT DENIRO: [imitating Jimmy] "And I'm Jimmy Fallon!"