FEY: Election offices across Florida opened last Monday to give black voters the option of being turned away early.

POEHLER: First Lady, Laura Bush, said Tuesday that if her husband is elected to a second term she would like to help juvenile delinquents with substance abuse problems.  When asked how she would do that, Mrs. Bush replied, "just as I always have.  By marrying them and bearing their children."

FEY: Several major American Muslim groups gave their endorsement to John Kerry this week.  In response Kerry was like, "Oh... no, really thanks.  I'm good."

POEHLER: FX announced Thursday that actress Glenn Close will join the cast of The Shield.
FEY: Oh god, that's so great.  The Shield is so good.
POEHLER: I know.
FEY: Do you ever watch it?
POEHLER: No.
FEY: Me neither.

FEY: According to a new study, almost half of all New York City high school students have lost their virginity.  
POEHLER & FEY: You're welcome.
FEY (adlibs): Hi Jimmy.