SETH MEYERS: ...and here's something you might not know: Fall is awesome. The leaves change color, it's breathtaking! Ever wonder why New England has such beautiful foliage? It's God's way of apologizing.

FEY: According to Time Magazine, American Taliban, John Walker Lindh, became an Islamic militant with the encouragement of a Pakistani businessman, who was his gay lover. Walker's relatives contend that John is not gay, it was just that he couldn't help but succumb to the erotic wiles of this Pakistani businessman. Look at this guy, he'd turn anyone gay. He's like Rupert Everett - oooh! Really, is there any sexier pair of words than Pakistani Businessman? By the way, John Walker Lindh lived in San Francisco for a while. How screwed up do you have to be to leave San Francisco and go to the remote caves of Afghanistan to explore your homosexuality? [adlibs: That's all I got.]

FALLON: Scientists say that the detection of West Nile Virus in the breast milk of a Michigan woman earlier this month is not cause for alarm. Though just on the safe side, they're warning Michigan residents not to suck the woman's nipples.

FEY: A Tennessee man plans to marry the woman who was jailed for ripping off one of his testicles with her finger nails. And that's the news from Tennessee.