FALLON: Hi, I'm Andre 'Ice Cold' 3000..
FEY: ...and I'm Big Boi.  Here are tonight's top stories.

FEY: Well, two weeks after the California recall election, God has cast his vote.

FALLON: Whitney Houston is releasing her first album of Christmas songs called "One Wish."  Houston's one wish: more crack.

FEY: In an interview, Paris Hilton said that of her and her sister, "people love to hate us.  But when you know us, you love us.  And if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea."

FEY: It has been reported that Britney Spears is now dating actor John Cusack.  The two have a lot in common, she wants to pursue an acting career, and he wants to bone Britney Spears.  Things were apparently going very well with the couple until Jeremy Piven demanded a supporting role.

FALLON: Rod Roddy, the announcer on the game show The Price is Right, famous for his line, "come on down," passed away Monday.  But I'd like to think that Rod Roddy is continuing to shout his signature phrase for all eternity, nestled warmly at the right hand of Satan.

FEY: The Lakers fined Kobe Bryant this week after he insulted teammate Shaquille O'Neal, calling him "child-like, unprofessional, selfish, fat and jealous."  Bryant then added, "and you know what else?  Shaq couldn't rape his way out of a wet paper bag!"