FEY: On Sunday, Al Gore called for the repeal for the US Patriot Act, and accused President Bush's administration of undermining civil liberties and exploiting public fears about terrorism.  And then, as always, the cashier nodded and gave him his Big Mac.

FALLON: In a Veteran's Day speech this Tuesday, President Bush vowed, "we will finish the mission we have begun, period."  Afterwards he was advised in the future he doesn't have to read the punctuation marks.

FALLON: Christina Aguilera cancelled two concerts in England, saying that she has acute bronchitis.  Actually, it used to be acute, now it's kind of askanky.

FEY: You have a celebrity sex tape?
WILL FORTE: Fine, Tina.  Semi-celebrity sex tape.
WILL FORTE: See ya there, sex tape fans!

FEY: The owners of our very own building, Rockefeller Center, have announced plans to re-open the building's 70th floor Observation Deck, which has been closed to the public for 17 years.  Well, I guess that means Tom Brokaw and I will have to find a new place to secretly make love.  [adlibs: I would totally do it]

FALLON: Actress Demi Moore turned 40 on Tuesday, but she feels like a 25-year-old inside.

FALLON: According to new research, monkeys whose ovaries were removed ate 67% more food than other monkeys.  This may explain why many women gain weight after menopause, and why I can't get my fat monkey pregnant.

FEY: The judge in the Rosie O'Donnell breach of contract suit ruled Wednesday that neither Rosie nor her publisher was entitled to any damages.  Even so, Rosie didn't go home entirely empty handed.