FEY: The Catholic Archdiocese of Boston has mortgaged its cathedral to finance nearly $90 million settlement with victims of clergy sexual abuse.  The Archdiocese said, "I know that seems like a lot of money...but it was worth it." 

FEY: The Food and Drug Administration will decide next week whether to allow the morning after contraceptive pill to be sold over the counter.
FALLON: Not til next week?
FEY: Yea, that's what I just said.  Next week.
FALLON: So.. what are we gonna do?
FEY: I don't know, I guess we're gonna have this baby...   

FALLON: Two high schools in Portland, Oregon have banned pacifiers over concerns about the drug Ecstasy.   Though perhaps a more effective measure would be to ban Ecstasy.

FEY: Now it's time for a segment entitled, "Jimmy Fallon Explains What You Did."
FALLON: Thousands of people in Sierra Leone rioted when two dwarf comedians took the stage for a show instead of the expected act, which was a different dwarf comedy duo.  So people of Sierra Leone, here's what you did.  You went to see a dwarf comedy duo, and instead, you got a different dwarf comedy duo.  So you rioted.  That's what you did.