FEY: With a Sunday deadline for a transit strike looming, New Yorkers face a possible Monday morning commute without subways or buses. In response, the city has designated areas where large groups of people can get together and shove each other.

FEY: Last Sunday, 12.5 million Americans watched The Sopranos season finale on HBO. And right after that, creeps like me watched the documentary Cathouse, about the moonlight Bunny Ranch brothel in Nevada.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you guys make a lot of money at the ranch, right?
Coast Guard Carrie: Oh yeah, we make like $10,000 a minute.
FEY: Wow, that's pretty good!
Coast Guard Carrie: ..and we're always looking for new girls, so you should really think about it, Tina..
Vidalis: ..and Jimmy, comeon down, virgins get a discount.
FALLON: What are you talkin about?
Coast Guard Carrie: If you're a virgin, you can have an elbow for the price of an ear party.
FALLON: What? Why you tellin me this?
FEY: He's a little shy about being a virgin. But, what can I get him for [grabs money from her pocked] ..this much?

FEY: While serving as the emcee for the New York Women In Film & Television lunchin this week, Rosie O'Donnell attacked Winona Ryder, saying she has been "stealing things for 10 years" and that "her last film sucked."  But Rosie can get away with making comments like that, because afterall, she's the best middle linebacker in Jets history.

FEY: A 32 year old Bronx woman named Dawn Martinez gave birth to a baby on a Manhattan subway platform on Monday. While no one stopped to help, a few people did throw dollar bills into her vagina.