FEY: Rapper Eminem pleaded guilty in a Michigan court this week to weapons charges and could get up to five years in prison. Meaning that the next time Eminem raps about homosexuality, he'll be able to reference specific names and experiences.

FALLON: Sesame Street Workshop announced this week that they are laying off sixty workers. News of the firings was brought to employees by the letters F and U.

FEY: New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is once again expressing outrage at an art exhibit, this time at a painting in which Jesus is depicted as a naked woman. Said the mayor, 'This trash is not the sort of thing I want to look at when I go to a museum with my mistress.'

FALLON: Earlier this week, doctors in Taiwan were called in to remove a Nokia call phone from a woman's rectum. Boy, don't you hate those a-holes who are always on the cell phone? Every time the phone rings she blames it on the dog.  Quick review of the new Nokia cell phone.. it stinks!

KID FROM BILLY ELLIOT: And Tom Hanks! That bastard needs another Oscar like I need another phone call from Elton John!