FEY: Polaroid is warning customers not to listen to the part of the Outkast song, "Hey Ya," that tells people to "shake it like a Polaroid picture," because that could actually ruin the picture.   In a related story, Bacardi is warning shortys to be responsible, and not "sip Bacardi like it's de birthday."

FALLON: The New York Yankees outbid the Boston Red Socks to obtain baseball superstar, Alex Rodriguez.  In the end, the Yankees were able to offer him something the Red Socks couldn't...a boyfriend.

FEY: A controversial new discipline policy at Lawrence Middle School in New Jersey is limiting students to just 15 bathroom breaks a month.  Plus one additional bathroom break if you need to give birth to your baby.

FALLON: This week, Georgia's board of education approved the plan that allows teachers to keep using the word 'Evolution' when teaching biology.  Though, as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called 'Jesus Horses.'

FEY: Where's Keenan, he's supposed to be doing this.
WILL FORTE: Yea, Kenan overslept.
FEY: Well then Finesse should be out here.
FORTE: Finesse, I believe, is entertaining a lady in his dressing room.
FEY: Okay... then how 'bout Maya?
FORTE:  Tina, it's not half black history month.

FORTE: Let's see, what else about Black History Month.  Oh, rap!  I love rap!  P.Diddy, Eminem, Luther Vandross...
FEY: Do you know anything about Black History?  Do you want to talk about Martin Luther King or civil rights?
FORTE: Oh, those are great ideas, dawg.
FEY: I'd really like it if you didn't call me 'dawg.'
FORTE: Oh, I'm sorry boo.
FEY: Yea, 'boo' is not cool either.  And you're running out of time.
FORTE: Okay, then I'll cut right to the chase, Tizzle Zina Fizzle Zey.  Martin Luther King - Yea!  Slavery - Boo!  End of slavery - Yea!!  Michael Jordan - Yes.  Eminem - Double yes.