FEY: According to new agricultural guidelines, farmers in Colorado will now be allowed to grow genetically modified corn. Genetically modified corn is the same as regular corn except that when you bite into it, it screams.

FEY: Hi Steve, what are you doing here?
STEVE MARTIN: I'm doing a cameo. I was home in bed and I thought, I'd like to do a cameo.
FALLON: Steve, do you want to tell a joke or something?
STEVE MARTIN: Oh no..just doing a cameo. And I think it's going well.
FEY: How long is your cameo?
STEVE MARTIN: Just regular cameo length. Just a few more seconds, and.., there we go.
FEY: Well, great work. That was a really good cameo.

FEY: Mike Tyson surprised sports fans this week with a new tattoo on his face. But, before you judge Mike Tyson's new tattoo, wait until it's finished, til you can see the entire rape scene.

FALLON: Next week is Eating Disorder Awareness Week, fat-sos.

FEY: The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders announced that they will be holding tryouts across the country to find new stars for their squad. Hmm, let's see, I'll need dancing lessons, $4000 for a boob job, and some duct tape to hide my penis.

FALLON: Wait, so it's not Colin Farrell, you're actually dating Will Ferrell?

FEY: Britney, there's been a lot of crazy rumors in the tabloids lately. I read yesterday that you're running a Columbia drug cartel?
BRITNEY SPEARS: These tabloid papers a ridiculous. They follow you around, they take your pictures, they lie about every move you make. You know what it's like Tina...
FEY: No, no I don't know...

FALLON: Will, I thought you were married?
WILL FERRELL: Jimmy, look who it is... it's Britney Spears.

FALLON: ..She [Christina Aguilera] also says she's heard all the jokes you've been telling about her... you better watch your back...biatch.