FEY:
The Justice Department announced plans this week for a new color-coded
terrorism alert system, with green for the most relaxed, and red as the most serious
warning. However, if the scale goes above orange, I will make brown. [adlibs: I will, too]
FALLON: [adlibbing] Maggie Smith should shave! Does this mean I'm knighted?! Or, did I just get queened?
FEY: Tricon Global Restaurants, which owns Taco Bell, KFC and Pizza Hut announced that they are buying A&W and Long John Silvers. It's a selection
designed to make anyone's mouth water...in that way it does right before you puke.
FALLON: Best Supporting Actor?
MAGGIE SMITH: Oh, without a doubt, Ian McKellen. They've got to throw that old queen
a bone sometime.
FALLON: Is he gay? I didn't even know that...
FEY: That's good!
FEY: [on Celebrity Boxing] Now, this doesn't seem like a very even matchup. Tonya, you're a professional athlete, and Paula, what do you do?
PAULA JONES: I'm a stay at home actress.
FEY: Alright, time to go ladies, thanks for coming out...
TONYA HARDING: Hey, ya know what, Tina? You think you're so great - with your glasses, and - and, your glasses... I'm gonna kill you!
FEY: Oh yea, really? Let's do this! [takes off her glasses and they run away] Yea, that's what I thought, Tonya Harding!
FEY: The creators Barbie have obtained a court order banning a new
Argentinean movie called "Barbie Gets Sad Too," which shows
Barbie having graphic sex. Apparently their biggest objection is the scene where Barbie turns
around and takes it in the Mattel.