FEY: Pamela Anderson last week called police after discovering an obsessed female fan had broken into her house. In a related story, I really think we could be friends if you'd just be cool about it! (Mouths: I love you.)

FALLON: An Indiana man was convicted of public indecency for letting his genitals hang out of his shorts while a shoe clerk helped him try on his shoes. The clerk said the last straw was when the man asked for shoes that matched his bag.

FEY: Speaking at an event in Florida this week, President Bush criticized Democrats saying they, quote, "want to keep re-voting the election, but if they would listen to America, they would find that Americans want to move forward." Americans responded saying, "We do want to move forward - to 2004."

FEY: A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to take a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.