FEY: This Wednesday marked the 100th anniversary of New York’s Times Square. To celebrate, a bunch of tourists got in everyone’s way.

FEY: Jennifer Lopez will be interviewed by James Lipton on Inside the Actor’s Studio. Even for James Lipton, that’s gonna be a lot of ass to kiss.

FEY: The renowned Carnegie Deli failed its third health inspection in three months this week.
FALLON: Oh man, I love the Carnegie.  That's where they have those huge sandwiches named after celebrities.  You know, they got a sandwich named after me, the Jimmy Fallon.
FEY: Yea, it's 170 pounds of ham with a bad haircut.

FALLON: On Tuesday, the Alabama senate voted to make whiskey the official state spirit. This replaces Alabama’s old official state spirit -- racism.

FEY: It was reported that Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones are trying to have a third child together.  Ahh, Michael Douglas, we get it- your junk still works, leave that poor lady alone!

FEY: Dutch eye surgeons have created Jewel Eye, which is a tiny bobble that is implanted in the thin membrane in the front of the eyeball.  Which, though gross, is still better than Jewel teeth.