FALLON: Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock got engaged in Las Vegas this week. To celebrate their engagement, Kid Rock gave Pamela a 3 karat diamond ring, and Pamela gave Kid Rock hepatitis.

FEY: Alanis, not everything you write in your journal is a song.

FALLON: A newspaper in India reported that a local woman has been living on a diet of discarded cigarette butts for the past 50 years.  Reports say that there are so many filters in her stomach that she pees Brita.

FEY: Robert DeNiro...supercool.  Guitars...always cool.  Robert DeNiro holding a guitar...surprisingly uncool.

FALLON: According to new research, it is extremely difficult for women over the age of 40 to have a child.  So hello Bea Arthur, goodbye condoms!