FALLON: Just one day after opening the new London musical, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, they had to cancel a performance due to technical difficulties. When asked how he felt having to cancel a performance, the director said, "chitty."

FEY: Joy Behar, from The View, is participating in a eight-week Get Fit plan, that will be chronicled on the show. Now, I considered doing a Star Jones joke here, but, I got worried she'd bust through this map wall like the Kool Aid man and kick my ass.

FEY: Abercrombie and Fitch has pulled a line of T-shirts featuring Asian stereotypes because of a protest staged by Asian Americans. The protest was non-violent and orderly, but the same cannot be said of the parking lot, when they all went to drive home.

FEY: Do you want to read a joke? 
SAVANNAH DAKOTA FEY: Fine. Last week in the news, politicians said something boring and you were like "What? Blah blah blah."
SAVANNAH: You told the guys in P.O.D. that we were going bra shopping?!

SAVANNAH: Why won't you tell me who my father is?! 
FEY: For the last time, your father is a married, network executive. 
FALLON: Hey Savannah. Wanna know a secret? I wear jeans under here..I don't even have a whole suit on, isn't that weird?
SAVANNAH: Save it. I'm not into white dudes, yo.