FEY: Monica Lewinsky has agreed to host a new FOX reality show called "Mr. Personality." Lewinsky said, this way, when people ask her what's the most degrading thing she's ever done, she'll have a new answer.

GENE SHALIT: Did you say "Thin Red Line?"
FALLON: I didn't say anything remotely like that.

FEY: Here we see the Defense department's new double-wide podium, designed so that Donald Rumsfeld can talk about the war without anyone seeing the huge boner it gives him. (adlibs: There's worse coming everybody..)

FEY: Kelli Carpenter, Rosie O'Donnell's life partner, has legally changed her name to O'Donnell. The two celebrated by eating out.