FEY: Police in Verona, Italy, have arrested a priest who regularly visited a brothel and hired hookers to dress up like nuns. A spokesman for the Vatican described the priest's behavior as progress.

FALLON: In London, this summer, Microsoft will introduce the iLoo, the world's first public toilet with internet access. So go inside, log in, and log out.

FEY: Avid fans of the X-Men movie have already found more than 42 flaws in the new film. And yet they can't see the flaws in their own lives.

FALLON: More than 100 men and women gathered in San Francisco this past weekend to participate in the city's 2nd annual Masturbate-A-Thon. Even though a lot of people showed up, I heard it was whack.

FEY: Police and school officials in North Brook, Illinois, are investigating a girls touch football game, called the Powder Puff game, in which senior girls slapped, punched, and splattered the junior girls in the face with mud and feces. What happened to the good old days when girls would just spread rumors that you were a lezzie?

FEY: It was reported that while in Louisville, for the Kentucky Derby last weekend, Carson Daly spent nearly $1000 on lap dances at a local strip club. Which isn't really that much money when you consider how expensive Chippendales is. (adlibs: See ya at the elevators, Carson)