FALLON: Carol Channing, the 82-year-old actress best known for her role in Hello Dolly, married her 83-year-old childhood sweetheart. The wedding was reportedly tasteful and classy, and the honeymoon was disgusting.

FEY: American Idol is now down to its final two contestants, Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken, in what is sure to be the ultimate battle of the sexes.

FEY: Plans are in the works to transform the Meadowlands in Hackensack, New Jersey, into an ecological preserve that would be ten times the size of Central Park. This will finally give Guidos a chance to roam free in their natural habitat.

FEY: This week, The New York Times made public the details of disgraced reporter Jayson Blair, who was found to have made up or plagiarized dozens of articles for the paper. The Times finally caught Blair in the lie during the war in Iraq when he claimed to be embedded in Ashleigh Banfield.

FEY: The Flight Club, a strip club in Detroit, plans to charter jets to Las Vegas for its customers complete with 20 dancers and scantily clad flight attendants.

FALLON: What's the first rule of Flight Club, Tina?
FEY: Oh no...Am I about to get punched?
FALLON: There is no Flight Club.
::Jimmy punches Tina::

FALLON: Congratulations to Oklahoma State University oldest graduate this Spring, 62-year-old Stephen Baker-Little, a former alcoholic homeless man, who has earned a degree in English. Ironically, in today's job market a English degree best qualifies a person to become an alcoholic homeless man.

FALLON: It's a bittersweet week for us here at Saturday Night Live, as Chris Kattan is performing on his final show after a fantastic 7 year career.
FEY: Here now, with a Terrible Re-Enactment of that career is our own, Chris Kattan.

CHRIS KATTAN: Superstar! Sorry that's wrong.