FEY: Though the trip to the aircraft carrier was Cheney's idea, the socks down the front of the jumpsuit was classic W.

FALLON: According to published reports, foreign tourists are starting to return to New York City in large numbers for the first time since September 11. So, on behalf of everyone in New York, I'd just like to say, "Welcome SARS carriers!"

FEY: It was reported that rocker Tommy Lee has split up with his fiancé Mayte Garcia. Apparently, she's had it up to here. (adlibs: Think about it)

FALLON: This week, a spokesman for the World Health Organization said that 23 of the 26 countries afflicted with SARS have the disease under control. Then a reporter coughed and the spokesman jumped out the window.

FALLON: Last week, for the first time in decades, Saddam Hussein's birthday was not celebrated as a national holiday in Iraq.
FEY: Not having a national birthday party must have been sad for Saddam, so we thought we'd get him a cake. However, Tracy Morgan found the cake and ate it.

TRACY MORGAN: Hey Saddam- I'm eating your cake like our troops ate up your country.
FEY: The views expressed by Tracy Morgan do not reflect those of NBC or General Electric.
TRACY MORGAN: I just wanted to remind everybody I like thick booties. Great, big, bouncy booties.
FEY: In that case, the views of Tracy Morgan are the views of NBC and General Electric.

FALLON: A new survey of 1000 women has found that 36% regularly lie about their partner's sexual performance. Which must explain why every woman tells me I'm terrible.