Primetime Extra #2  2-8-01

Primetime Extra?  Wazzupwitdat?

 FEY: Yesterday, a crazed middle-aged man was arrested by Secret Service agents for firing a gun in front of the White House. The man was taken into custody, interrogated, and then allowed to return to his job as a guest lecturer at Columbia University.

FEY: After 11 years of marriage, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced this week that they are getting divorced. The couple say the split is amicable, and they want everyone to know that after the divorce is final, their two adopted children will be returned to the prop department at Universal Studios.

Outback Tina and Jimmy ready to kick some Survivor ass FALLON: Police in Vermont have begun a new program to educate teens about drunk driving in which students wear special goggles that stimulate drunkenness.  After using the goggles, students said they were amazed by how poorly they drove and how many fat girls they hooked up with. 

FALLON: It was announced that Britney Spears has signed a new endorsement deal with Pepsi. The company chose Spears because, just like Pepsi, she's sweet, bubbly, and has an instantly recognizable can.

HANNIBAL LECTOR: Have you had the flu this season Tina?
FEY: Just once.
HANNIBAL LECTOR: I can smell Vick's VapoRub all over you. Tell me, Anchorwoman Fey, did your mother rub that on your chest when you were a child, sitting alone in your room, when you come out in pajamas, watching "Match Game" on a black and white television? 

FEY: Stick to your report, Dr. Lecter.
HANNIBAL LECTOR: You're a tough one, Miss Fey. You know what you look like to me, with your blue suit and your brainy glasses? A scared, white trash little girl! Lorne tried to clean you up, didn't he? But we know the truth. You're one wine cooler away from flashing your rack at a NASCAR rally, aren't you?!